His rules, my rules, who overrules?
It’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas… This year I feel super excited that life is quite different. This will be my second Christmas as a rockin’ single mumma. The kids are another year older and, of course, are more excited than I am. It’s been touch and go about whether they remain on Santa’s naughty or nice list. I tell you, four is definitely worse than three years of age when it comes to behavior. Anyway, I digress.
To get into the Christmas spirit, I took the kids to Santa’s Magical Kingdom. I didn’t expect it to be so BIG and so Christmas-sy. I hadn’t read much about what it was, but god I loved it. More than the kids, I think. I felt like a little kid all over again, in awe and overwhelmed by the colors, the rides and the circus. Oh my, the circus, did I mention circus folk are hot? I think I’m going to join the circus next year for a bit of fun. I’ll post some pics so you can share in my visual delight.
My sister decided to step up this year and organise a Christmas lunch for everyone. This makes life sooo much easier. We can all be in one place and relax and enjoy the festivities. The only part I don’t enjoy is trying to work with my ex on arrangements for our kids.
Last year was easy. They spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with me. I was happy for them to spend lunch with their dad and his family. My mum was in hospital and my sister and I weren’t on the best of terms. To be honest, I wasn’t in the mood to celebrate. I was two months post-separation and happy to cross it off as just another day.
I feel quite different this year. So many things have changed and I want to celebrate just how much I have achieved. As I do, I put my request to the ex to have the kids on Christmas Day for lunch. Knowing it takes him time to get his head around what that actually means for him.
He said he would probably like to have the kids on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. As last year, he didn’t get to wake up with them in the morning. Fair call, I thought. The most reasonable option to me would be to alternate years for Christmas lunch.
We do have a parenting plan in place, but to be honest it’s worth nothing, because things keep changing to suit the ex. I try to just remain flexible and fair when it comes to altering arrangements. That seems to have worked in most scenarios for us. Unfortunately, my ex mother-in-law was disappointed to find out that the kids wouldn’t get to her place until mid-afternoon on Christmas Day.
To make matters worse, my ex decided the kids should be with his side of the family for Christmas lunch, because his mum does more for the kids than my side. This is true, but really? Naturally, this seemed quite unfair to me and certainly not my preference. No one wants to do Christmas dinner or Christmas Eve dinner, so it appears this will always be a bone of contention between us.
I expressed I didn’t think it was a fair approach and his mum has to accept we are separated and cannot always have her way. Needless to say, the conversation went downhill from there. He retaliated by putting my family down and started saying something disgusting and untrue about my sister. In the end, I hung up. It was 9.30 on my night off and I did not need to hear that shit before bed.
You know when true healing is occurring because this time, instead of reacting and letting things eat me up inside, I went to bed calmly and ignored all three text messages and seven missed calls from him. It’s so goddam tiring to work with someone who is unreasonable and continually tries to make my life difficult.