What I know for sure
I just read Oprah’s book ‘What I know For Sure.’ It was a four hour reading marathon. The stories were short chapters, each one highlighting a topic. I related to Oprah’s insights and points of view. I thought to myself how incredible, that at this stage in her life she could amalgamate her knowledge in this format that millions will enjoy. I wonder if she knew for sure when things in her life were difficult she would be where she is now.
What I know for sure is visualising the light at the end of the tunnel is almost impossible when separating from a spouse or partner. Going from one emotional, heart wrenching maybe even traumatic moment to the next can cloud your judgement. Who knows what tomorrow brings, let alone the confidence to say, “What I know for sure is all will be ok at the end of this process.”
At the time of my separation what I knew for sure was the battle was going to be hard. It’s difficult bringing a relationship to an end, a relationship that had broken down, respect and trust gone and emotions at an all time high.
I moved in to my parents home with my one year old daughter. Our only possession was our clothing. My way of taking control in this situation was to say there no longer is a relationship. His was to make sure that I was in for one hell of a ride, a five year long court battle. I fought for the girl that was lost and his battle was to gain everything else.
I remember those court experiences vividly. My life was so out of control at the time. This experience (one that when I reflect on now I am quick to say, thank god it’s over!) for me was one I will never ever forget. The ironic thing, whilst married I was stripped of the person I was, but the separation over time, made me stronger than ever.
I say this because this is what I know for sure! I know that because of what happened to me during this time, I built a life that I love today. I know that I manifested everything I have now. I know at that time, I dug deep into the depths of my aching soul and said, “How the hell did I get here, and now that I am here, how will I get out?” I know for sure, it wasn’t easy!
What I know for sure is the pain you feel today is the strength you will feel tomorrow. It’s been over ten years since I felt the pain of my separation journey, but I am a confident woman today because of it.
In all honesty I have lost track of the amount of times I have shared my story with others going through a similar journey. There are so many people experiencing the effects of a broken relationship. I am sharing my advice now as someone who has endured it. I know for sure, some of the best experts and the people we want to listen to are people that have experienced it themselves. Only then can you connect, can you relate, can you believe that you can get through it too, right?
And for the relevance of this post I want to share one of those defining moments through narrative reflection because just like many of you, I have many stories to share.
The epiphany: A reflection
By definition: an epiphany ‘a sudden, intuitive perception of, or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something,
usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.’
It was a Sunday afternoon and I was walking across the bridge near Flinders St Station with my two year old daughter holding my hand. The warmth of the sun on my back, my step was light. I glanced across at Southgate and admired the view. It was a hub of activity given the glorious weather. I looked down, and my daughter looked up at me. We were swinging our arms as we joyfully skipped along and she beamed a smile. My heart expanded with love and my eyes welled with tears. It was a beautiful mother/child moment.
I remember this experience like it was yesterday. One year approximately post separation. It was the first time in a long time I felt free. Free to love, free to be me. Free to enjoy the day and make my own decisions. Free to feel, free to love, free to smile and free to enjoy this moment. It was pure, unrestricted, and weightless. It was an epiphany.
Some twelve years on from this experience, I can still mark the spot where my epiphany occurred on that bridge. It was so significant in my journey, my light bulb moment. I guess the bridge was symbolic in a sense. Bridging my past to my future by that moment where I said, AHA, now I get it. I now know for sure, that it is this feeling I want, and it is this feeling I will find strength to fight for. This epiphany was a pivotal turning point to the control I took back into my life. When I walked out of the relationship, I was ruled by my head, now I am ruling by my heart. I now had a moment that I could use as inspiration, an experience that I connected with that would help support me when times got tough.
To those that have ever felt controlled, restricted and insecure in any relationship you will understand my story. For that day, I parked the car one km down the road just so my daughter and I could catch the tram. We walked all day just so I could enjoy the sun and feel as much part of the vibe of the city landscape. We watched and appreciated the performances of many buskers, just because we could, and we ate what we wanted to, gelati and hot chips of course! I also decided when we’d had enough and it was time to go home.
All of these ‘normal’ activities in the past would have been shaded. I can’t honestly express in words just how liberated I felt that the chains were broken.
Who would have thought that one year after separation that all my hurts were not an issue that I pained over anymore? My journey was not only releasing from this relationship but it was releasing the restrictions within it. I could finally be free, feel free.
When I came home that day I discussed my epiphany with my mum. She suggested I keep how I felt in this moment and create an affirmation to help me next time I was questioning or finding things difficult. She said, “You need something you can say to yourself that will remind you of this feeling so that you remain strong and aligned.”
I said, “I want to feel free, free as a butterfly.” The words from the depth of my being gave me goosebumps.
Not only did I say it, but I felt it. And this was an essential component to manifesting what I wanted according to the law of attraction. My thoughts and feelings were important in manifesting my reality. It wasn’t enough to think about what I wanted, I had to feel it. It was at this time I realised the power of my epiphany and the power of the universal law of attraction. What I think and feel is what I create.
I connected with my epiphany as my internal value, and it has stood the test of time as I won’t be compromised again whatever comes my way, even all these years later.
Finding the girl that was lost meant that I discovered the woman I was meant to be. A woman that said, “I have the right to be me, the right to feel free.”
I think it, feel it and know it. I know for sure I am free. Free as a butterfly.
Lee-Anne D’Paul is the visionary behind the jhenlee brand. She shares the roles of founder and lead designer. Lee-Anne designs jewellery using symbolism to represent and embrace experiences associated with being a woman.
Her mission is to arouse in women a desire to stand tall, proud and comfortable in their own identity and spirit. She is committed to the authentic relationships she builds with women globally and at her core is the desire to empower and uplift the women who connect with the jhenlee brand and philosophy.