Get me off this roller coaster

Get me off this roller coaster, I’m dizzy

Dizzy – not from the exhilaration you feel when you’re on the ride of your life – the kind where you feel like life is spinning out of control. No one ever prepares you for the emotional rollercoaster that you need to navigate when you’re going through a separation or divorce.

I want to put your mind at ease by explaining what goes on emotionally to humans when we experience a life-changing event. It’s very normal human behaviour to feel the “ups and the downs” as some people explain it. Feelings of anger, despair, depression, elation, denial, guilt, and anxiety are all a part of any change and transition process.

When a marriage is over, there is often a great sense of loss and grief that can surface – grief for the life you had no longer existing and a great deal of uncertainty about the future. In times of panic or intense stress, the fight or flight mechanisms in the brain kick in.

We find ourselves deeply entrenched in negative thought patterns: How will I survive on my own? I hate you for what you have done to me. I’m worried about the kids and the impact on them. I’m scared of being alone. I feel so depressed. I despise you.

Any of those thoughts sound familiar to you?

The graphic below shines a light on the emotions we feel when we are in the mist of turmoil. The first series of emotions are usually fear-based, trepidation and uncertainty. Then, as reality sets in, we can often feel threatened or depressed anticipating the future.

These middle emotions are usually the place that people get stuck in and don’t know how to get themselves out. The aim is to move yourself out of the negative thought patterns and learn to gradually accept what is. From there, you have the freedom to redesign how you would like to feel.


The point of the graphic is this: there is an emotional process you need to navigate that is perfectly normal. You just don’t want to get stuck in the middle for too long. Your entire focus will be negative and you’ll find it harder for you to transition into a more positive place.

Have you identified where you are at? Drop me a line and tell me. If you need some tips on how to get unstuck grab a copy of my thriving separation tips by signing up here



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