The victim, the villain or the hero
Which are you?
I’m introducing a model in my Live Louder program called the Drama Triangle. The model is designed to help people understand what role they play in life socially and psychologically. Think about these roles as those often played in the movies.
Villain – the evil one who has perhaps been wronged in the past and therefore seeks retribution for that wrong doing. The only way to rid them of that pain is to hurt others and seek revenge.
Victim – the one that feels hard done by or ripped off in life. Blames everyone and everything for their helpless state and therefore feels powerless. A victim cannot see it’s within them to make powerful changes or different choices.
Hero – everyone loves a hero. You know the one that swoops in and saves the day or in the case of the movies saves the victim. A hero is often seen as the good one, the fixer, the one that always seems to have the answers.
As individuals, we can swing between these roles in our own lives. We are patterned into behaving a certain way within our family dynamic and assume these default positions for our entire lives. It’s only those that keep banging their heads against that same brick wall who eventually wake up and ask the big question of why?
When you ask why, you naturally become curious and this can lead to some self-enquiry. I was the hero in my family and up until about a year ago I was a victim of my own circumstance. It was a horrible realisation that I had to come to terms with. Being a victim was one thing I swore I would never be.
Feeling powerless and without choice, letting things happen to me and not feeling worthy enough to want to do something about that. I was pushed to a point where I decided to step up and take action and strip myself of that title once and for all.
What’s the alternative to the Drama Triangle?
The Empowered Dynamic model.
Instead of the villain, it’s the challenger. The creator replaces the victim and the hero becomes the coach. Reading those new names feel so much more empowering. The challenger is focused on learning and growth, holding the creator accountable for their actions. The creator, as the name suggests taps into their own passion, is outcomes focused and absolutely believes in choice. The coach, well it speaks for itself, the compassionate one that provides guidance and encouragement instead of rescuing actions.
In my own life, as that victim I felt I had justified reasons for feeling the way I did. What came with that rationale was a startling wake up call, I didn’t like who I had become. Once upon a time I liked what I stood for.
I have a personal saying; if you want something to be different in your life then you need to do something different to change it. Instead of feeling angry, bitter and pissed off, I asked for help. Totally uncharacteristic for me, I was the hero and the savior after all. My request for help was met by a creator, someone who realised they could make different choices about their own life and own their own outcomes.
That’s when the shift began for me, when I realised that it was absolutely within my power to change how I was feeling. On I went as my own creator. This business is a bi product of that ownership and allows me to explore being the challenger and coach for you.
Who are you choosing to be?
If you feel like you’re ready for the next step, do yourself a favour and get on the waitlist for my Live Louder program. Together we are going to shift that world that you live in today to new heights and that’s a promise.