How to be single again
Amongst everything else going on at the time of separation, you’re suddenly faced with the daunting thought of being alone again. For some, this may be a breath of fresh and for others a very daunting prospect, particularly if you have been someone’s better half for a long time.
So, how do you learn to be single again?
- Embrace where you are. Don’t judge, don’t put yourself down, and don’t beat yourself up mentally. Just be. Accept what is. Your fears are designed to keep you safe, but that’s all they really are, fears. When you push through them you soon prove to yourself that you are OK.
- Reframe your situation. Ask yourself what this experience is providing you with. A chance to rediscover yourself again? An opportunity to make better choices? Reassurance to prove you can stand on your own two feet? The freedom to feel empowered rather than controlled? Safety that you have never had before? An ability to make your own decisions in life? By choosing to focus on the positives, rather than being consumed by the negatives, you’re helping your brain to change its usual thoughts patterns.
- Surround yourself with the right sort of positive support, “positive” being the key word. It’s OK to sit with self-pity for a while, but not for too long. Self-pity can very quickly turn into anger, resentment, and blame. These emotions will keep you stuck in life. Having the right cheer squad behind you is imperative – the ones that will dish out the tough love when needed, the ones who front up to your doorstep and say, “Come on let’s get out and do something.”
Don’t just rely of the company of your kids, because when they grow up and move on, your network of support needs to be solid, so that you don’t feel the loss all over again. You need friends who are going to guide you through your pain, not just sit with you in your pain.
- If you’re like me, with limited family support, it’s time to spread your wings and find new ways to connect with people. Joining some positive support groups or forums online. There are loads out there, you just need to find what resonates with you. You may choose to start a new hobby or join a social group of sorts. Think of places where you can make new connections. Get social and have something other than your own thoughts to entertain you.
- Be your own best friend. Remind yourself of all the things that you either like or liked about yourself. These are your unique gifts. Your own self-worth often takes a hit in a situation like this, so you need to start to build yourself back up again. Don’t look for external validation. Invest in some beautiful body lotion or essential oils and each time you get out of the shower rub the oils into your body and tell yourself something positive, like:
“I am an awesome mother.”
“I am doing the best I can.”
“I am beautiful.”
“I have the best arse, boobs, smile or whatever you have that rocks tell yourself that each day.”
If it feels uncomfortable, fake it till you make it baby. There is a psychology behind this positive reassurance.
- Develop a positive vision board. A reminder of sorts of all the things you enjoyed or would like to experience in the future when you are ready. I’m not talking about a shrine of your past life. I’m talking about the things that used to light you up inside, inspire you, or energise you. Things you have dreamed about doing. This is a subtle way of setting goals for yourself, things to look forward to.
I have a photo frame at home that sits in my bedroom with all the things that helped me get unstuck at the time. It includes things like online groups I was a part of, positive blogs I read, music I loved to listen to that conjured up positive memories for me, positive affirmations and quotes, and inspirational events I attended.
Life is full of possibilities, and this is just a moment in time. You get to re-write the remaining chapters of your life on your own terms. How bloody empowering is that?
If you have found this helpful let me know and share it with someone who might be struggling with being alone. I have 8 other tips on not only surviving separation, but thriving. You can grab a copy here, by signing up to receive them. www.shefoundaway.com
Here’s to living and epic life post separation.